nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
