Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
