I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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