I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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