The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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