I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
