guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
