I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pants are for mortals
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