I puked a lego.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
