U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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