Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
