can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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