you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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