imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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