i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize