She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
