Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
