She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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