My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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