I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
