I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
