Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
