He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
