i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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