Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
