Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
