I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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