walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize