We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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