So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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