I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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