She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
