I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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