DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
