i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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