God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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