I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
