Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sobbing to NWA
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
