Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
