True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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