i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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