You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
