The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
now i know why i became what i already was.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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