guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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