I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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