It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
