He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
