Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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