His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize