just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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