Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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