He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
