WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
