what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
