yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
