got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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