my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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