True but thats because hes a fetus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
