I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
