it was like his penis was on wheels.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
