Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize