I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
