Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
