It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
