She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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