I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
