these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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