white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
