my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
