I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
