Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
