I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
