What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
