Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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