I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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