Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize