I think my vagina is haunted
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
