We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
