It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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