Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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