yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
