have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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