dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
