Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you have to choose: penises or morals?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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