I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
