Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
