if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
