Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
