It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
