and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
