Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I deserve this hangover.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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