Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
