This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
