I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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