It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
as a side note pls kill me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
