I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
