Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
