At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
