i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
