I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
